Game Review Guide

I rate my games like a teacher rates a test. I grade it accordingly from A+ all the way down to big fat ZERO. How would a game get a ZERO? Easy, look at "Duke Nukem Forever". I take this very seriously, so I wrote a guide on how I do it.

Here is the Grade Scale:

• 101 to 105 = A+ Camp out overnight!
  
• 96 to 100 = A Stand In Line!
  
• 92 to 95 = A- Buy It
  
• 90 to 91 = B+ Good Buy
  
• 87 to 89 = B Decent
  
• 85 to 86 = B- Okay
  
• 80 to 84 = C+ Mediocre
  
• 75 to 79 = C Maybe Rent First
  
• 70 to 74 = C- Definitely Rent first
  
• 68 to 69 = D+ Wouldn't Rent It
  
• 64 to 67 = D Don't Rent
  
• 60 to 63 = D- If a Gift, Return
  
• 58 to 59 = F+ Stay Away
  
• 50 to 57 = F FAIL
  
• 1 to 49 = F- RUN AWAY!
  
• 0 = ZERO/VAPORWARE
  
  

I grade on the following subjects:

• Visuals. How well does the game appeal to the player visually? Is the art style consistent with the game? Do the graphics mask a poor game? Does the graphic style feel realistic? A game's graphics are not the whole meat and potatoes folks, but it is important. I could play some awesome ASCII text games, but to be honest who wants to look at just text all day? You can't rule out the visual appeal graphics play in gaming, so yes it will be graded. I just wanted you to know it's not the most important aspect.
  
  
• Audio. Now I'm not a big BGM aka Back Ground Music type gamer.
  When I'm playing a stealth shooter I don't feel like rocking to "Eye of the Tiger". But if I'm sitting in a high performance car outrunning the cops or screaming down the Daytona 500™, then yes I want some rocking music. I dissect the audio. Not just the music but how the audio presentation as a whole stacks up to the game. I also look at the audio options; Does the game allow me to turn the audio off? Does it allow me to adjust the audio for my speaker set-up? Does it have support for headphone only sound? If you MAKE me listen to your music in the background when I don't want to I'm going to score low. If it's integral part of the game play then that's another thing, but I have to see that to believe it.
  
  
• RE-playability. Is this a game that once I've played the campaign through once, I'm going to trade it to GameStop™ or will I pick it up again for the stellar randomness of fresh game play every time? I do NOT count multi-player in this function. Why? Because multi-player is another part of the game. I grade a game on it's "I don't have a net connection or any friends online right now so I want to play by myself" scenario first. As Yoda once said "Multi player does not a perfect game make."
  
  
• Multi-player. Most times now every game has multi player. Some games are built around it. Why invest long hours of AI (bot or NPC's) programming when you can just make the players be your "enemies"? To me that's a lazy and cheap way to sell a game but for a small few that actually is the selling point and may be appropriate. I rate the multi-player on that as well as how well the servers are (If they provide any). If not I will describe a few gaming sessions with me. I have a 16 meg download and 2 meg upload cable speed. I may be on the higher end of speeds right now but to some lucky people that might be considered slow. Regardless, if I can't play a decent game at these speeds then something is wrong with the net code.
  
  
• Added Functionality. Not to blow my own horn but I hardly ever see other reviewers tackling this part of a review.
  This is about mission editors, map editors, mod tools, user generated add-ons. See LittleBigPlanet™ for an ideal "Added Functionality" game). Not sure why reviews don't hit on this much but to ME it is a very important aspect. If the developers/producers are releasing add-ons (aka DLC) every 2 weeks and not sharing the tools then the user/gamer is getting ripped.
  
  
• Immersion: The WOW factor. The "I could play this game forever it's just so darn cool" factor. I once played a Sub game that played out in real time. I was quite the homebody back then and I had my computer pulled up in my bedroom. I would set the audio up, plot a course through the ocean and... no matter where I was or what I was doing during the day (and night) if I got a sonar contact the bridge in the game would ring out a alarm bell (which was loud enough to be heard through the entire house) and I would come running like I was a real Captain getting interrupted from his sleep to answer a battle stations! call. Yes looking back that was sad. But let me tell you something, during that time I felt like a real captain of a sub looking for the Ruskies in the deep Atlantic. I wouldn't change that experience for anything as it shaped how I play/rate games today.
  
  
• Fun.. wee Factor: Whats boring to one person may be (Yeah, you can stop with the Captain in his underwear jokes now) absolutely amazing to another. To me playing the same scene over and over until I get 100% perfect is not my idea of fun. So while this is an important factor in rating I can not score it too high as perceptions of what is fun vary by different people. I want to be a reviewer you can trust so I will not score things in a big way for things that could be seen in a different light. Fun is one of them. However here are some of the things I'll look at;
  Does the game make me grind forever to get little trinket/reward?
  Does the game have ridiculous goals that the user has to pass to play further? Does the game story sound fun, is the plot engaging enough to make a user actually listen through the cut scenes or do they just hit the skip button?
  Is the game too easy/too hard?
  In other words does the game make you groan inwardly when you go to load it up or do you salivate at the idea of playing it again?
  
  
• Recognition: This is a weird area. But basically if no one is playing the game then it's mighty hard to find any add-ons or multi player players online. This factor scores the idea of how popular a game is. It doesn't count if the game is good. It only counts if the game is popular and is being added to by the publisher (DLC) or my the community (User generated content) AND if other people are actually playing it.
  Sadly I have seen some very good games go the way of the ghost just because no one heard of it, hence they didn't play it. In today's world he with the big dollars can hype their game to next week. I wait until AFTER the game has released to review this factor and it see how well the world is taking to it, if at all. I also look at games no one is playing and see if they are a diamond in the rough.

Those are about all the big points I score on when I review a game. I try and use this method with every type of game that I come across.
Before you read any of my reviews I would like to talk to you again about why I want you to read my reviews. One, I want to be a game reviewer. Two, I want to be known as a trustworthy, non-biased source of solid information for you. At the moment I am not getting any of the games I review for free, nor am I receiving ANY compensation in ANY form for these reviews. In fact most of the game developers or producers probably don't know I exist.
I know the word "trust me" and "non-biased" gets thrown around a lot. However, I hope through my consistent reviews and honesty you will see me as a good game reviewer. Some game companies may learn to hate me. I'm not in this for anything other than to spread truth. If the truth hurts, well that's not my fault.

So please before you read any of my reviews, read through this guide to see how a game was reviewed. If at any time a review will contain a spoiler, I will write the spoiler warning AND write the text in white. This way the only way you can read the review is by highlighting the blank text. So if you see areas with big blanks in them, they are most certainly spoilers. Also if at any time a game was provided to me by an outside source other than my wallet, I will say so, from whom, and what I was compensated for. This way you can make a firm decision of how much of a grain of salt to take the review on. However, as long as I can I will do this for free. If people want to donate I will set-up a way to do so, but know this. ANY donation will NOT sway a review nor can it be used to review a particular game.

Peace, Love and Happiness to you and yours,
Chief CrazyBear